Forgiveness: How To Forgive Yourself

It is not easy to forgive oneself. It requires humility, patience, deep compassion and a sense of unconditional love for oneself. However, it is essential that you learn how to forgive if you want to achieve peace with yourself and others. Forgiveness is an essential part of life.

Most people have made mistakes throughout their lives, as mistakes are a part of life. It is common to wish that one had acted differently and that if one had the opportunity to do so, one would have done things differently.

When you do not know how to set boundaries at work or in relationships, if you are too submissive or aggressive, if you behave selfishly, or if you do something that hurts others, then you can follow a lot of discomfort in the form of guilt or anger.

Is it appropriate to feel guilty?

Guilt is a fundamental mechanism of action in the learning process. It guides your conscience and sets boundaries that show you whether or not your motives and behaviors are appropriate. According to personality theorist Erik Erickson, people typically develop a healthy sense of guilt when they are three years old.

If you do not develop it and do not internalize a moral and ethical code, then you may find it difficult to interact with others. The lack of guilt is actually one of the primary traits of psychopaths.

A sense of guilt when one has done something wrong is thus a good indicator of psychological health. That means you are aware of what you have done. This feeling can make you resolve the situation, either by apologizing or by performing another action to resolve your discomfort.

The problem arises when you feel guilty about past actions or decisions and you let it go on over and over again so that you step into a vicious circle. This vicious circle often does not let you live in the present, and it binds you to an unresolved past.

What does it mean to forgive oneself?

Forgiving oneself does not mean that one justifies inappropriate behavior or that one does not feel remorse. It means acknowledging the negative emotions that are created within one and deciding not to let them affect one’s present.

Forgiveness is a progressive process, as it is not something that happens from one day to the next. It is thus a complex process. It may take people several years before they heal their wounds, while it will be easier for others.

Forgiveness also means overcoming the resistance to change, as in many cases it also feels easier to feel guilty than to dare to put your self-criticism and pain behind you.

Phases of forgiving oneself

Forgiveness is a process that consists of the following phases:

1. One must acknowledge the truth. One must be honest with oneself. If you have done something wrong, it is best not to fool yourself.

2. One must take responsibility for what has happened. All actions have consequences, so it is much better to be brave and take responsibility.

3. One must come in contact with one’s deepest emotions that have motivated one’s behavior. Knowing what has made one act in a certain way, it is good to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future.

4. One must give oneself space to feel without judging. It is important to accept your imperfections. It is also important that you accept what has happened if you want to heal.

5. One must heal his emotional wounds. To be able to do this, it is necessary to open oneself up to compassion instead of self-criticism.

6. One must love oneself unconditionally. This means accepting yourself completely, including your gifts and talents as well as your mistakes. Here love and forgiveness go hand in hand.

How to forgive yourself

For practical reasons, there are certain actions that can help you forgive yourself faster. Here are some examples:

• Say sorry. Apologizing is a big step forward if one has hurt someone, whether it has been conscious or unconscious. Keep in mind, though, that this should be a proper excuse, as one thinks. One must also apologize without expectations; just because one asks for forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the other person will forgive one right away. Nevertheless, it facilitates your own as well as the other person’s healing process.

• Share the experience. Telling someone else about your mistakes can help free you from guilt. For example, you can tell a friend who makes you feel emotionally secure and who accepts you for who you are. Another possible solution would be to go into therapy so that one can get help to control one’s emotions.
• Write it down. Another option is to explain everything to the person in a letter. Thereby you have the opportunity to organize your thoughts and feelings and provide drainage for your pain. You choose whether you want to give the letter to the person, or whether it is just part of the healing process.
• Heal your inner child. Meditation is a powerful tool that can facilitate forgiveness. When you achieve relaxation and communication with your inner wounded child, while giving yourself all the security and unconditional love that you need, you can reconcile with your past. Note, however, that this can also be done with the help of therapy.

Concluding thoughts on forgiveness

It is a long process to forgive oneself. It is a path that consists of letting go of one’s pain so that one can open oneself up to the painless present and future.

One must learn to accept that one acts in each of the phases of life according to one’s level of consciousness. If you have not acted properly in the past, it may be because you did not know better then.

It is during the healing process that one realizes that one is no longer in that phase of life and that one was able to evolve thanks to the error. This provides an opportunity to move forward and be more compassionate towards oneself so that one can achieve peace.