How To Overcome Wendy Syndrome: The Need To Satisfy Others

Wendy syndrome has its roots in popular psychology.

Despite the fact that it is not a recognized disorder in diagnostic psychology manuals, some of its aspects can lead to problems that require treatment.

Constantly focusing on others can be very self-destructive. Loss of self-esteem or extreme physical and mental exhaustion can easily lead you into depression.

Classical literature has provided several, even authentic, archetypes that help describe this very real behavior.

Wendy Syndrome, or “Peter Pan Syndrome”, “Othello Syndrome” or “Alice in Wonderland Syndrome” describes all disorders, problems and behaviors where fiction becomes reality.

Now one could easily say that the topic of this article is the most common syndrome of them all.

In some ways, many women internalize it, not because they are forced to, but because that is what they have seen for generations and that is what they feel.

The person who cares and follows another loves. Giving up on yourself seems to be an unusual way to make love. Sometimes it’s easy to forget something, but:

This is where the problems start with emotional dissonance and grief. Today, we propose to think about this through the following aspects.

Wendy syndrome or progressive denial of oneself

Although this syndrome, as we mentioned, is rooted in popular psychology, the symptoms of it are very clear:

• Discover How to Respond to Infidelity

You understand that loving first and foremost is to serve another person.

• For a long time, this type of relationship can feel good. It is such that you understand love.
• You are not worried (to begin with) that others do not show equal care for you. You just know that your partner feels loved by you and is happy. This is how you feel comfortable.

• You do this so that those around you do not get angry or upset. You struggle for the external balance, but forget your own.
• But gradually you perceive that others see and act around your effort as if it were “normal”. It can reach the point where they become tyrannical and demanding.

If you are experiencing Wendy Syndrome now, then be aware of certain aspects that you should change.

Understand that love is not sacrifice: love is giving and receiving

Many people were brought up with the idea that in order to love, you have to give up certain things to cement the relationship. If you want someone, you have to “find yourself in” many things.

You have also been brought up to believe that you have to say “yes” when you want to say “no”. You begin to prioritize others over yourself, which is the other person’s goal.

If you have integrated these ideas into your way of thinking, then you begin to collapse under the weight of new ones:

• Love does not mean giving up. If you give up, you will only become a victim for yourself.
• A loving relationship must be mature and vigilant. Both parties must give, no doubt, but it is equally important to receive.
• Love is about forming a team, coordinating your strengths, interests and needs.
• In Wendy syndrome, there is always one person giving and one receiving. One wins and the other gradually loses.
• The real problem, though, is that the other person is not even aware of it. In the beginning of the relationship, you feel content to show care for them, to care about them, to pay attention to every single detail to maximize their well-being.

• After months or years, you begin to notice that something is wrong. In the end, you are taken for granted, not appreciated, and even more demanded of you.

You can not let yourself fall into this difficult and unhappy trap.

How to focus on other types of emotional relationships

Our first and most crucial piece of advice is: Never be yourself no matter how much you love the other person. Otherwise, sooner or later, frustration, discomfort, and unhappiness will show up.

Provide, protect, give and deny yourself certain things… Fine, but your partner must also take care of you, give you things and give things up for you. Either way: This self-denial should only happen if it is for the common good.

• Do not apologize for anything that is not your responsibility.
• The biggest fear that people with Wendy syndrome have is being left behind. To prevent this, you can do something (you should never let it get to this extreme).
• You have to learn to be happy on your own behalf. Enjoy your own company to the point that you know that if you found yourself alone, then the world would not end.
• Also learn to correct your thought patterns, especially those that bring you suffering. This will help you create new emotions that make you stronger.
• Break away from ideas like, “If I love them more, they will love me more,” or, “It’s better if I give this up, as they will see how much I love them.”
• Stop projecting all your hopes, your desires, and your energy on another person. Do it only in a fair way. You deserve my love and I deserve your respect.

Remember that in love, we must have dignity. Never accept less: learn to accept and fight for your personal integrity.

Do you suffer from Wendy syndrome, or do you know someone who does?